Thursday, October 11, 2007

13 games for his unlucky night!

[Please read aloud and DON'T SKIP AHEAD as it will ruin some of the games.]


Thanks for gathering to help us fulfill our bet. It began as a sports competition with $10 stakes. After quite a bit of alcohol, goading from a few female friends and even more alcohol we decided the loser would have to strip... for you!

As he stands there clothed look at him. Giggle at him. Imagine how he'll look naked. Is he well-endowed? We're not sure, but we're pretty sure we're embarrassing him by wondering about it.

And don't feel sorry for him. If one of us would've lost he'd be just as ruthless.

The evening we created should entertain you, though we did wonder whether your idea of a fun night with a stripper involves whipped cream atop your vodka shots... or whipped cream on him.

Thus we designed games that works whether you want to be naughty or nice.


Each one is a friendly competition whose winner earns points. Be sure to earn as many as you can -- we'll send a lovely prize to whoever has the most at the end of the night. On the other hand only your stripper is obligated to participate fully in every game. Do play them first to last so he won't forfeit his evening--we will be ruthless about this--but don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable, just lose a few points on that game!

Okay, let's get things started.

Step One: Write down everyone's name on a score sheet.

Step Two: On a separate sheet everyone should write down one dare; at the end of the evening the winner gets to assign them out to the losers.

Now for a toast: let us raise our glasses to a group of women without which this bet would be impossible. If high stakes creative gambling, the consumption of alcohol and novel parties among friends help us to enjoy life – and they do – we salute those women whose sense of humor and hearty livers help make it happen. Cheers. Epic bets like ours would be impossible without fun-loving people like you.

Game #1: “You’ve Been a Bad Bad Bet Loser

Our first game is an ice breaker.

Here’s how to play: the still clothed bet loser will approach each woman, who can earn three points by spanking him three times.

There are three wrinkles:

1) The person to your right tells you whether to spank him as he stands, gets on all fours or gets bent over your lap like a misbehaving child.

2) If you’re going to spank your stripper you’d better do it hard or he’ll never learn his lesson. How can we make sure you do? After every spanking if a majority of ladies feel that the spanker went easy on the stripper she gets spanked herself by a representative of the ladies or, if they choose, the stripper himself.

3) Two bonus points to anyone who takes a shot or finishes half a drink before spanking the naked bet loser.

Remember to keep track of the score.

Game # 2: “Introducing the Sticker Game”

Our second ice breaker is a sticky affair.

Everyone should leave the room except for one person, who should place 15 stickers on your stripper's clothing, inside or outside. You may reach up shirts and down boxer shorts but you cannot remove any clothing to place your stickers, or stick them directly on his skin.

After the stickers are placed the remaining ladies should return blindfolded, gather around their stripper, and attempt to find the stickers without peeking or removing any clothing.

Whoever hides the stickers best -- measured by how long it takes the others to find her stickers -- wins 10 points.

Game #3: “Guessing Games”

Before reading on please send your stripper blindfolded into the bathroom.

Okay ladies, now that he's nervously waiting we have a question: do you think he’s hung like a horse or a hamster?

It’s time to hazard a guess.

In this game your still clothed stripper will remain blindfolded while each lady visit him one by one, carrying a sheet of paper where you’ll write your best guess as to his length, his girth, and whether or not he can touch his penis to his belly button.

But it isn’t quite fair to make you guess without knowing anything, is it?

That’s why we’re giving you permission to investigate. Each lady has two minutes blindfolded inside the bathroom. The timid can simply write their guess and flee the room without ever touching the stripper. But the adventurous have permission to make an educated guess—touch him any way you like, but no peeking or removing any clothing allowed. And don’t worry: he’s blindfolded, so he’ll never know who did what. If you’re our kind of competitor you’ll even give him an extra spanking for good measure.

Be sure to stay with him for the full two minutes whether or not you investigate so no one knows how well-researched anyone else’s guess is. Points will be awarded later for whoever makes the best guess.

Game #4: "Strip him down"

In this game the ladies should approach their stripper one at a time in order of the points they have -- highest score goes first. Each lady should remove one piece of his clothing at a time until he is wearing only his underwear, which you shouldn't remove.

Be sure to hold onto whatever articles of clothing you take from him without mixing them up, as you'll need them in a future game.

Game #5

Yes, ladies, we agree that the ice has been broken, and we’re as anxious as you to get rid of that pesky underwear. Yet we sat here thinking – what’s the funniest way possible to do this? Then we hit upon it, and we must say that it makes us laugh even thinking about it. In this game, your stripper will put his hands behind his head like a fugitive getting handcuffed, and lay on a couch or a table or the floor face up. All the ladies should work in concert to take off his underwear, but one pesky caveat – no hands aloud. Meanwhile we order your stripper to wriggle and writhe, swaying his hips like a belly dancer, squirming here and there to resist the ladies’ attempt to denude you by pulling off your boxers with toes, elbows and teeth.

One more thing: as soon as they begin pulling your underwear down please cover yourself up with one hand. We’ve got a more dramatic unveiling prepared.

The lady who comes away with his underwear gets 10 points.

Game #6 – “The Unveiling”

Did you tally those ten points?

Anyone who takes a shot or finishes half a drink now should add 5 points more to their total.

Let us just say that even as we write this we’re laughing at the thought of our friend standing before you covering himself with his hands.

Bet loser, turn around so the ladies can get a look at your butt. In fact, flex your butt for them three times. We’ll wait. Now keep your back turned to the ladies but lift your hands up behind your head.

Ladies, here’s a chance to earn some quick points. Approach your bartender and say “flex for me.” Once your stripper has flexed his butt you can earn a total of 6 points – two for pinching it, two for slapping it and two for squeezing it, and no being timid: it's gotta be for three seconds each to earn points.

Any takers?

[Pause to complete the game and tally points.]

Now if you don’t mind – your back still to the ladies - please picture Meg Ryan, Haley Berry and Wynona Rider standing naked before you. Got that mental image? Okay, now slowly turn around, hands still behind your head… AND YOU’RE NAKED! Was it worth the wait ladies?

A quick toast: naked bet loser, raise your right hand and repeat after me:

I, your bet loser

Do solemnly swear

To perform my party game duties

No matter how inadequate my penis

Allowing these beautiful ladies

To objectify my body as they wish

Whether they choose to laugh at my package

To play my ass like bongo drums

Or to tug on my penis just because they can

In short their wish is my command.

Here’s to them.

STOP!!! The Naked Bet Loser Should Read The Next Game!!!

Game #7 -- "Arts and Crafts"

Ladies, we'll pause while you grab the Play-Doh, find a spot to sculpt and pull your blindfolds back on.


Before you were blinded we hope you paid close attention to your stripper's package, because this game is all about who can sculpt the best replica of his cock and balls. Using your Play-Doh take 5 minutes to play Rodin, relying on your memory if you wish.

But if you need some guidance simply raise your hand and your stripper will approach -- no peeking, but you can dare to compare, seeing with your hands as Michaelangelo did.

The best sculptor will be awarded points later.

Game #8: “Measuring Up”

It’s time to find out who won the guessing game.

The job is worth 5 points, and the lady who hazarded the shortest guest gets it.

Whoever guessed closest to the correct length gets 15 points. The same goes for the best girth guess. The measurer should also see whether or not the stripper's penis is long enough to touch his belly button. Anyone who answered that question correctly earns 5 points.

But wait. If after she is done any ladies with bigger guesses want to approach and re-measure on the chance that they can influence things everyone gets a shot.

It's also time to see whose sculpture best resembles the real thing -- the naked bet loser should lay himself on the table beside the Play-Doh attempts and the ladies should vote. He can break any ties.

Remember to tally those scores.

Game #8 – Let the Embarrassment Begin!

Okay ladies, now that we’ve got him naked let’s silently judge him – it’s human nature!

Bartender, we’ve gone easy on you so far. It’s now time to start embarrassing you. The following actions will be read one at a time. Please complete each one before the next is read.

1) Christmas is our favorite season, so please lift up your penis and jingle your balls for us.

2) Ask a lady volunteer to hold up her hand vertically. As she waves it back and forth shake your penis from side to side, faster when she goes faster, slower when she go slower.

3) Show everyone how far you can stretch your scrotum.

4) Do 5 jumping jacks.

5) This one is courtesy of your ex-girlfriend. You didn’t think we’d do this without research, did you? As the ladies gather around show them your stupid human trick 3 times.

Okay, now its time to let the ladies in on the fun. We’ve come up with several indignities that can be done to the bartenders. Each lady can choose to do up to two of them. They’re each worth a different number of points.

-- Pinch his nipples: 5 points

-- Squeeze his pecs together like he has boobs: 10 points

-- As he lays face down play his butt like a bongo drum: 15 points

Game #9 -- "All Tied Up"

In this game any lady can earn 20 points by agreeing to allow her friends to tie her to the stripper using the blindfolds. They can also use their own clothing if they want to bind her more tightly but we'll limit them by saying that anything taken off cannot be put back on.

Whoever wriggles free fastest among the ladies who participate wins an additional 15 points.

Game #10: "Human Twister"

In this game the stripper will lie face up as the ladies sit around him. His body should be labeled as follows: feet: 2,3; shins: 4,5; knees: 6; thighs: 7,8; penis: 9,10; balls: J; pelvis: Q; Stomach: K; Pecs: A.

As he lays there each lady should draw cards from a deck. If a 2 is drawn, for example, the lady should place her hand on the foot labeled 2. The hand should remain on the foot during the next turn, when the lady must reach for another body part. On her third turn the lady should remove the first hand that she placed. We haven’t really tested this, but we hope twisting will ensue.

If you can’t reach the appropriate body part you lose 5 points. If you don’t play you lose as many points as the person who lost the most points during the game.

As the game is played the ladies should ask their stripper any questions they might have about the male anatomy. For example, how do you do that stupid human trick again?

Game #11

This game is a variation on pin the tail on the donkey. Each lady should be blindfolded while the naked stripper places an equal number of condoms around the room. The winner is the first lady to find a condom while blindfolded, find the naked stripper and "pin" the condom on him.

20 points to the winner.

Game #12

Okay, ladies, we’ve saved our best few games for last. This one is crafted as a chance for the timid to earn points and for the shy to give their naked bet loser that command that they’re too embarrassed to say in front of their girlfriends.

Here are the rules. The naked bet loser should be sent away blindfolded to another room again. Next each lady enters the other room for 3 minutes with a piece of paper and a pen. She has two choices:

Choice 1: Tell your stripper a joke or story, which he will judge on a scale from one to ten. He’ll write how good he judges your joke or story to be and you’ll take it to the scorekeeper.

Choice 2: Alternatively, if you’re feeling adventurous or don’t have any good jokes, you can spend 3 minutes convincing the stripper he should give you points (on a scale of one to 20) however you like, whether by begging, pretending his penis is bigger than it really is, giving him a killer shoulder massage, or anything else you can improvise. Didn’t we promise you’d have an excuse to be naughty if you wanted it? He’ll write the points you’re awarded, one through ten, on a piece of paper for the scorer.

Game #13 – “On a Tight Leash”

Okay, it’s time to test the lady who has the most points. In this game, we’ll see how well you know your friends. A string must first be tied to the stripper's penis. Next the point leader should lead the naked bet loser around on his “leash” to each lady.

Here’s the strategic part: you’ll give each lady one of the following actions to perform, each with its own amount of points. If she performs the action you command she gets the points; if she refuses she loses that many points.

This game could change the whole competition as there are many points to be won and lost.

Here are the actions—each requires five seconds; the group can count aloud if it likes—and what they’re worth:

Pinch the stripper's nipples: 3 points

Squeeze the stripper's ass: 6 points

Tickle the stripper's balls: 8 points

Grab the stripper's package: 10 points

French kiss the stripper while grabbing his package: 15 points

You can remove his blindfold if you like but be sure it’s in place before the next lady enters. Also, if you’re way ahead why not give him a noogie and take the 1 point score? We think it’s worth it.

But wait! We’re not going to give the stripper all the power. After you get your score you can give the stripper one command – the only rule is that it must be able to be completed within the other room.

End Notes

Ladies, we hope you’ve enjoyed our games.

Of course, your party shouldn’t be over—feel free to create more games, or just to sit around having fun with your naked stripper. The terms of the bet dictate that he is yours for up to 6 naked hours if you want him.

We doubt even Milton Bradley himself could play games for that long, but his duty shall be done so long as there is even one lady guest who wishes him to remain unclothed. And no sympathy either—he may dress only immediately before departing the scene of the party.

How does that happen? He must approach each lady in turn and ask, "Is there anything else you'd like to do to me this evening? Your wish is my command." Only after every lady has dismissed him is he done.

Now it’s time that we bid you farewell—forgive us, we are a bit teary eyed, for even in this short time together we’ve grown so fond of you. Do continue embarrassing your naked stripper for us—we can think of ever so many more games you might play, or actions you might demand, and don’t forget the dares handed out by your winner.

If we had a naked bet loser for the night we’d insist on free massages for everyone and a naked reading of a bed time story as we drifted off to sleep.

Finally, goodnight naked stripper. You’re one step closer to paying off your debt.